When Should I Have "The Talk"?

by Bill Davis


What age is the right age to tell your kids about sex and sexuality? Great question. I don’t have a precise number for you. I don’t have a time of day or season of year. Every child is unique and has unique needs for what they need to know when. There’s no math formula to compute the optimum age.  


But I am going to give you an answer. It’s an answer that I believe is correct and accurate for 99.9% of all combinations of parents and children. Ready?  Here goes…


Yep, sooner. Sooner than you think you need to. Sooner than they hear (the distorted, incomplete, and out of context) information from another source. Sooner than you’re probably comfortable having the conversation. Sooner than you’re ready because you’re not sure if you know what to say. Sooner.


The bible is clear that we have a spiritual “adversary” who “prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). Do you think our culture will respect your preference on timing? It’s absolutely clear that our children are targets to be isolated, cut-off, and devoured (like a baby buffalo hunted by arctic wolves on a Planet Earth documentary). Consider a few sobering statistics:


  • The average age of first exposure to pornography is 8-11 years old.
  • 22% of the online porn watched by minors is by those under age 10.
  • A popular online and school sex-ed resource provider for pre-teens teaches that viewing porn “even a few times a day” is normal.


Here’s another clue:  it’s not just the talk... singular. It must be the talks…plural! Successfully raising our sons and daughters with healthy sexuality involves an ongoing conversation through the years about sexuality with age-appropriate topics and questions, underscored by guidance and intentionality from the loving parent/grandparent in our children’s lives.


Thinking this conversation about sex and sexuality is a “one and done” moment from parents is the wrong approach. It’s natural, though, as that’s how many of us received our information. (In fact, many of us didn’t even have that.) Not many of us were taught by our own parents perhaps in a manner we appreciate, let alone in a way that set the standard to help us know how to teach our own children.


That’s why this summer at Kossuth we’re going to take about 8 weeks to help equip you to have "the talks." This class will be for anyone who has key influence in a child’s life, but especially for those parents from toddlers to young teens who have some of those “sooner than…” issues now or in your future.


We have limited space, so we’d really appreciate if you’d let us know you’re coming by signing up here


See you soon(er).