It will never pass from my memory: the night I sat, rocking a sleeping toddler, weeping in the glow of the nightlight in the nursery almost eleven years ago. I had just miscarried our second child, a life that I was ecstatic to welcome. I had allowed my mind to race ahead of reality those first weeks, considering what kind of stroller to best carry two cherubs, imagining two little boys digging holes in the backyard to run their trucks through, seeing in my mind's eye the three of us singing and laughing in the car on the way to the grocery. Hopes and dreams had swelled against the boundaries of my mind, and I was delighted and feeling very rich. Then suddenly, the baby was gone—slipped away in a wash of sorrow, carrying all my dreams away with it.
As I sat in the quiet of that soft darkness, my arms wrapped around the warm weight of my son, I called out to God in anguish, with the question that rose from the depth of both my sorrow and pride: "Why?"
And His answer came quickly and as clearly as if it were audibly spoken into that room, and more tenderly than I could have ever imagined it: "You think you should be able to understand why. But you can't. It's not because I don't want you to, but your ways and your thoughts are not the same as Mine. Mine are far beyond yours. But you can trust Me: I have a good plan."
Like a gentle breeze blowing through the room, I felt His assurance, the safety of knowing—like the child I am—that, even though I am small and weak and overpowered by things beyond me, my Father is big and strong, and He holds me securely in His mighty and gentle hand. That was comfort in the most profound sense that I had ever experienced. Things were not reeling out of control. God had all the bases covered, and I didn't have to figure it out. I could rest and look for His hand to set into place new and glorious things.
That assurance, the confidence I received that night has strengthened me time and again when life is hard. And, even now, when I look beyond myself and wonder and worry at what I see—when I say, "What about her or him? What will happen for them?"—He smoothes my worried brow and says, "My child, don't you understand? My love and My good plan encompass them, too. It is for all My creation. Don't worry that you don't understand how all that will work out. Just remember that I am loving, I am good, and I am just. Don't put your confidence in any other. It will be okay."
How often I find myself praying that His comfort will surround others in such a way that they would say, "The only explanation for my peaceful heart is the greatness of our God." When we were children, we sang, "Jesus loves me, this I know...." Really, is there anything more that we truly need to know?
From our vantage point resting in His love, may we look for and see His grand and glorious hand at work all around us.